Do you believe in Karma?

After encountering and experiencing so many things lately, I cannot help but to believe that Karma does exists and it comes in many forms that sometimes you dont even realise it.

Lots of self-reflections going on lately and I cannot help but only to attribute them to Karma falling upon me.

Now here's the list:

When I was much younger (havent start to date), I used to tell myself that I will find myself a Tall and Handsome Man to marry. Average looking men are not my cup of tea.

MY "KARMA": In 2011, I married a man slightly shorter and more than average looking as my husband. The good thing is he seems to be looking better as he grows. Likely he is another Miao Qiao Wei category where they become more charismatic as they aged.

I used to tell or rather scold my friends when they start to cry over break-ups or become emotionally dependent on their boyfriends. Women must not trust their men 100% and must be independent.

MY "KARMA": After being attached and marriage, I realised I am just like those girlfriends whom I have ever told off or scolded. I am emotionally, mentally and physically dependent on my man such that people start to say my world only revolves around him.

I have a Best Buddy Ms P and being an introvert, I hate to make calls to enquire on things. As such, maintaining this 18 years of friendship, I pretty much earned myself a secretary too as she will always help me make calls for appointments and/or contact my mum for outings.

MY "KARMA": As my roles in life start to expand (not just being a daughter, student, girlfriend etc), there are many things which I can no longer depend on Ms P. My seniors in life start to ask that I call up the to check on this and check on that. Sometimes I wonder why I am the one being arrowed to do so when they should be the ones more concerned over the matter.

As I reflect, I recognize that the boomerang has U-turned to hit me back, right smack in the face. The list just goes on and it has come to a point where I fear telling people my thoughts and comments. What if I say the 'wrong thing' and I get hit again. I think my life in 2013 hasnt been smooth-sailing and I dont think I can take anymore hits as my mind, body and soul are already at their most fragile stage. If God exits, please take this pain and unhappiness away from me.

After reading this, do you believe in Karma?

Paying for Companion

I recall Mr T used to share with me and his group of friends how he wished he could retire as a "Duck" and spend his time dancing (ballroom dancing) and accompanying rich Tai-Tais.

His job would purely be using his gift-of-gab to humour those women and to dance with them at Club 5 with strict policy of no extra services. Whenever he mentions this, I will usually counter-propose that I can also consider quitting my job and take on a same role. With no extra service rendered, I will only accompany men who need a listening ear or a dance partner on the dance floor.

He of course disagreed as he could visualise what those men had up their sleeves. Having discussed this topic several times, I never thought I would be paying for such services for myself. Yes, I did, recently.

I did it out of desperation, confusion and loneliness. I had to share what was running in my mind with someone. Someone who is neutral and hopefully able to help me sort my thoughts. I was pretty nervous when I first arrived that I just broke down at the first 5 minutes. He was quick and kind enough to offer me some tissue paper as I started to speak.

We spent 1.5hrs in the room talking to each other and we spoke about the past, the present and the future. It was rather comforting as he listened to whatever I wanted to say and remained neutral throughout the conversation. He asked some questions but I guess at that point in time, my mind was 50% blank (yes, I was nervous throughout as I do not know what to expect from this young stranger. I dont even know if he is actually younger than I am.) and couldnt answer them at all.

I made payments after 1.5hrs and as I walked out alone, I realised I had actually missed out many other things that I wanted to share, many confusions that were still running in my head. For this reason, I knew I needed a second session with him again.

When? I have not decided and I don't know...

Overall, the experience to engage someone for campanionship is not too bad and I can now understand why so many people are doing so.

March 2013

2 March, we finally moved into our new nest at punggol.

I must say the feeling is really different and the things that I need to do is also very different. From managing a room to managing the whole house, I think all women (who takes care of their family) deserves a pat on the back.

This is only the third day we moved in and I must say the perspiration I had is more than a jog at the stadium.

Everyday I am more concern to make sure every corner of the house is kept clean and tidy (though we have not finish unpacking the boxes). I also make sure there is enough food to cook for him. After years of not stepping into the kitchen, I must say my culinary needs more improvement (for now, just bear with it lah).

While getting busy with household, he has also been sick since 28 Feb. Fever on a roller coaster till today. Everyday he spends his day eating and sleeping and I feel like I'm staying here all by myself. So looking forward for him to recover so that there's someone to talk to me.

Work is just as bad. Oh decided not to talk about it.

Looking forward to better days and months in 2013!! Gambetei!!