Days of Unemployment

Days of unemployment, this is the 27th day...

I have been spending my time at home cooking, watching HongKong Dramas, job hunting and also thinking of what i want in my life.

However, no matter how hard I think, I feel that I cant achieve the 'ideal' kind of life that I always yearned for. I dont know if it's too perfect for achievement or am I just too lazy. Or am I afraid to face the reality because there needs to be major changes in my current life? I have no answers to these terrifying thoughts.

Every night when I go to bed, I imagine that I would not wake up the next morning. I think I would suffer from some heart attack or some disease and just 'Go' like that. I fear, because there are so many things in life that i have not experienced. I feel like talking to people but everytime I meet people, I dont feel like talking.

I am now watching a drama on psychology and I wonder if I am actually suffering from some mental illness that I am not aware of.

Actually, there are lots of things that I can do during this period of time but I dont know where to start, too lazy to start and feeling hopeless to start. I hide myself at home apart from going for interviews, spend my day like an aimless person dying for my phone to ring (f0r a job opportunity).

I seem to have lost myself. I feel I am not who I used to be. Over the years, I am losing my confidence and all I gain is unwanted Fats in my body!

I need a new life, I need a new begining, I need to step out of this horrible situation that Im in now (all thanks to J!)