Do you believe in Karma?

After encountering and experiencing so many things lately, I cannot help but to believe that Karma does exists and it comes in many forms that sometimes you dont even realise it.

Lots of self-reflections going on lately and I cannot help but only to attribute them to Karma falling upon me.

Now here's the list:

When I was much younger (havent start to date), I used to tell myself that I will find myself a Tall and Handsome Man to marry. Average looking men are not my cup of tea.

MY "KARMA": In 2011, I married a man slightly shorter and more than average looking as my husband. The good thing is he seems to be looking better as he grows. Likely he is another Miao Qiao Wei category where they become more charismatic as they aged.

I used to tell or rather scold my friends when they start to cry over break-ups or become emotionally dependent on their boyfriends. Women must not trust their men 100% and must be independent.

MY "KARMA": After being attached and marriage, I realised I am just like those girlfriends whom I have ever told off or scolded. I am emotionally, mentally and physically dependent on my man such that people start to say my world only revolves around him.

I have a Best Buddy Ms P and being an introvert, I hate to make calls to enquire on things. As such, maintaining this 18 years of friendship, I pretty much earned myself a secretary too as she will always help me make calls for appointments and/or contact my mum for outings.

MY "KARMA": As my roles in life start to expand (not just being a daughter, student, girlfriend etc), there are many things which I can no longer depend on Ms P. My seniors in life start to ask that I call up the to check on this and check on that. Sometimes I wonder why I am the one being arrowed to do so when they should be the ones more concerned over the matter.

As I reflect, I recognize that the boomerang has U-turned to hit me back, right smack in the face. The list just goes on and it has come to a point where I fear telling people my thoughts and comments. What if I say the 'wrong thing' and I get hit again. I think my life in 2013 hasnt been smooth-sailing and I dont think I can take anymore hits as my mind, body and soul are already at their most fragile stage. If God exits, please take this pain and unhappiness away from me.

After reading this, do you believe in Karma?

Paying for Companion

I recall Mr T used to share with me and his group of friends how he wished he could retire as a "Duck" and spend his time dancing (ballroom dancing) and accompanying rich Tai-Tais.

His job would purely be using his gift-of-gab to humour those women and to dance with them at Club 5 with strict policy of no extra services. Whenever he mentions this, I will usually counter-propose that I can also consider quitting my job and take on a same role. With no extra service rendered, I will only accompany men who need a listening ear or a dance partner on the dance floor.

He of course disagreed as he could visualise what those men had up their sleeves. Having discussed this topic several times, I never thought I would be paying for such services for myself. Yes, I did, recently.

I did it out of desperation, confusion and loneliness. I had to share what was running in my mind with someone. Someone who is neutral and hopefully able to help me sort my thoughts. I was pretty nervous when I first arrived that I just broke down at the first 5 minutes. He was quick and kind enough to offer me some tissue paper as I started to speak.

We spent 1.5hrs in the room talking to each other and we spoke about the past, the present and the future. It was rather comforting as he listened to whatever I wanted to say and remained neutral throughout the conversation. He asked some questions but I guess at that point in time, my mind was 50% blank (yes, I was nervous throughout as I do not know what to expect from this young stranger. I dont even know if he is actually younger than I am.) and couldnt answer them at all.

I made payments after 1.5hrs and as I walked out alone, I realised I had actually missed out many other things that I wanted to share, many confusions that were still running in my head. For this reason, I knew I needed a second session with him again.

When? I have not decided and I don't know...

Overall, the experience to engage someone for campanionship is not too bad and I can now understand why so many people are doing so.

March 2013

2 March, we finally moved into our new nest at punggol.

I must say the feeling is really different and the things that I need to do is also very different. From managing a room to managing the whole house, I think all women (who takes care of their family) deserves a pat on the back.

This is only the third day we moved in and I must say the perspiration I had is more than a jog at the stadium.

Everyday I am more concern to make sure every corner of the house is kept clean and tidy (though we have not finish unpacking the boxes). I also make sure there is enough food to cook for him. After years of not stepping into the kitchen, I must say my culinary needs more improvement (for now, just bear with it lah).

While getting busy with household, he has also been sick since 28 Feb. Fever on a roller coaster till today. Everyday he spends his day eating and sleeping and I feel like I'm staying here all by myself. So looking forward for him to recover so that there's someone to talk to me.

Work is just as bad. Oh decided not to talk about it.

Looking forward to better days and months in 2013!! Gambetei!!

The Bangkok Post (7 to 10 Sept 12)

Supposedly a friends trip to BKK, but those whom we asked could not make it or didn't want to go.

So it was the four of us again (Hubby, Peggy, my mum and I) setting off...

7 Sept:
Arrived at BKK at Thailand time 10pm. For safety reasons, we decided that we should just head back to the hotel straight. We had the Thai McD and they serve my favourite fried chicken and also a new favored pie - tuna pie. I hope Singapore brings it in too coz it is nice.

Our hotel is called Glow Pratunam and it is only a months old. Boutique hotel above a shopping mall and its colour theme is striking pink with black. The rooms are big and clean. I like!!

8 Sept:
Our agenda for the day was to visit Terminal 21, Platinum mall and MBK. But because we met many helpful people along the way and hence there were many distractions. We ended up doing some praying along the way and also went to a Thai trade fair. They sold expensive Jewellery and silk so it was not suitable for us. In the end we only managed to go to Terminal 21 and MBK.

Terminal 21 was good, for photo taking. Haha. The concept (different levels represent different countries) of the mall is good and I especially like the uniforms of the concierges and security guards. Some of the shops there sell quite pretty clothes but me being a 'cheapo nana', I thought they were quite expensive.

We also visited MK restaurant and had the recommended steamboat. It was good and I like it!! Very cheap too. 4 pax was only SGD $44!!!

9 Sept:
Finally it was time for Platinum Mall. We decided to forgo Chatukchak because of safety and also because we really couldn't finish exploring the shopping heaven. Platinum Fashion Mall had so much to see and most of the things were so cheap (compared to Singapore). If given more time and if not for my bored husband, I think we would have bought more, literally shop till u drop (don't even need to eat). Nonetheless it was still a good trip as I bought many many clothes. Now I need to think where to keep them. As of now, my wardrobe is already full!!!

10Sept:
Last day!! So sad and I couldnt sleep the previous night. I kept thinking about work and worried I didnt handover things properly. We spent our last day shopping at the shops below our hotel. Got some accessories and we decided to head opposite to Platinum again for some last minute shopping. Bought a few more pieces of clothes and accessories and we went to eat before heading to the airport.

We reached Singapore at about 920pm and this was the first time travelling with Tiger Airways, budget terminal. Some of the food selection were the same as Jetstar and I think Air Asia's food was better and cheaper.

Till my next travelling encounter(dunno when also), thanks for reading!!

Home sweet Home...

Starting September

1 September:
Instead of the usual fun stuff, we went to donate blood - for a good cause!!
My face turned pale when I was called in for health screening. Apparently a patient had some reactions after receiving my blood together with others. So they are now checking whose blood is the contributing factor of the anti-bodies of which the patient was allergic to. While the doctor assured me that it was normal and that there is no cause for alarm, I still don't feel good. I still think I am going to die soon, like I always tell my husband and friends (quite sad because I still have many things not accomplished).

2 September:
We had an inaugural picnic at Marina Barrage. Quite a unique experience as compared to usual outings just that the sun was too hot. We were under the shade but I still became a lobster after that few hours of outdoor sunshine.

All in all, it was quite a good start and I hope things continue to go well and I can remain loved and happy. May I be blessed...

The Love Hate Week

Though this is a short week, it has been freaking busy and I seriously can't wait for the weekend to come, not to say my trip in Sept.

The consolation to this bad week is of course my time with 老公. He has been quite nice and sweet this week and hope this goes on.

Today is finally Friday and I hope it gets through smoothly.

1 night 2 clubs

It has been a long long time since I drank alcohol and had visited a club. Last night, we visited 2 clubs in 1 night and I felt young again.

We first went to New Asia Bar for a girls' night out and subsequently to Arena to join the guys. It was much better at the Arena with dancing, jumping and drinking. We ended the night of fun, drunk and young at about 4am.

Though our bodies are physically tired, I had fun and I felt young. Hmmm, maybe we should meet up more often like this.

Back to the reality, this morning, my hubby said I look like a thirty plus rather than my actual age. @$$;}^%#* So much so of feeling young just the night before....

Surprise date

22.08.2011 - today is a good day because my hubby decided that we should celebrate our 9yrs of relationship in advance (instead of 25.08).

We went on a night cable car ride n had dinner at one of the restaurants. Not the most romantic dinner but was definitely a spontaneous date. I like!!

Hope there'll be more in the coming years :)

Life after Marriage

Finally the heavy burden is over and I am almost 1 month married...

Well, the big day went smoothly and everyone (or maybe 98% of the guests) was happy. The only hiccup was the case of the missing wedding favours. That caused me sleepless nights after the dinner.

Many people started to ask "How's marriage life?" when I meet them. My answer, "Nothing much except that you get to see your boyfriend who is now your husband sleeping next to you when you open your eyes in the morning." Physically, it is also more tiring for me because I have to wake up earlier. Not to make breakfast or make babies, it's just the additional time required to BRISK walk to the nearest train station. On my first day of work after marriage leave, i was late for 15 mins...Gosh!!

All else remains the same, more so for my husband. Nothing has changed for him and even better now for him since he hates talking to me on the phone. Now, whatever he wants to say or i want to tell him, it's instant without radiation.

My goals and dreams after wedding, I have many... I would like to be a tai tai and if that fails, maybe start my own business of being a wedding coordinator (not planner), have 2 kids (preferably 1 boy and 1 girl), be prettier, richer, healthier and the list goes on...

Tad Disappointed

We finally selected the photos today. It was agreed that we will not select more than what we have signed up for.

Reason?

THE PHOTOS WERE NOT FANTASTIC!

I need to clarify that my make-up artiste was good and she did a good job in styling my hair, dolling me up and also matching the accessories to my chosen gowns. Kudos to her.

The Photographer was disappointing (despite being CUTE and good-looking in the albums where he was a model. Maybe he should be a model instead of a photographer)!

First, he did not do a proper hair styling for Tat, then he did not capture the shots that we were expecting from the outdoor locations. The night sceneries were the worst and they totally looked ... (im loss for words to describe, let's just say not professional enough for a wedding shoot).

What made matters worst was, I saw the night shots of another couple at a similar location (capturing MBS). Thiers were beautiful with the lovely effects, good angles and nice poses. Ours had ZERO (0000000000000000) effects and weird angles!!

And the sales person even tried to defend by saying that the quality of the pics also depend on the weather for the day...

"Hello! What has effects got to do with weather???"

Anyway, I just hope they do a good job for the layout and DI, else I may just decide to transform into a BRIDE-ZILLA and start screaming at them!!!

Back with Updates

I'm back! After neglecting my blog for some months, i finally decided to re-visit it today.

Sometimes i still cannot accept the fact that I am getting Married soon. Haiz, i wonder if it will be a good thing or not.

The good thing will probably be a status for being with someone for such a long time and what else...? Cant think of any for the time being!

The bad thing is No one is going to court, woo, you anymore!!! Wahaha! (Well, it's not as if there is someone now...so sad, right?)

Nonetheless, we'll see how it goes and I hope things turn out as fairytale and blissful as they do in movies and cartoons (the happily ever after ending).

I just finished our wedding shoot on 8 Oct and though it was a tiring process, starting from 9am till 8pm, I enjoyed it and I think I will do better if I had to do such shoots again (i dont mean a second wedding but maybe to pay $$ to take better pictures!!!). Let's just hope the pictures will turn out nice when i see them next week.

Oh, and i forgot to mention, i like the photographer as i think he is very Cute, though with a very strong Malaysian accent. He's the quiet type who will smile gently while being serious in his job.

I also started my new job on 11 Oct and so far, the place and environment has been good. More importantly, I've got a huge desk. Quite efficient as my access and name cards were already ready on Day 1. Impressive!!

Anyway, back to my wedding shoot, I posted one of the off-line shots on FB and I am taken aback by the many comments received. Thanks for all the well-wishes and I hope the response can be as over-whelming when i send out my invites.

As I will be removing the picture from FB (so that you all will look forward to see me on 23 Jan 2011), i have decided to publish all the comments received here.

I just want to keep these comments as a memory and i am glad to have you as my friends.

Cheers to all my friends!

2010 bless me!

I had a conclusion recently and that is 2010 is not a healthy year for me and my family. It all turned out fine till my dad was admitted to NUH late 1 night when I decided to blow my hair dry before going to sleep.  After his episode at NUH, my mum suffer profuse nose bleeding at home. Nothing serious according to the doc but that traumatise her greatly. Following my parents came my brother who will need a minor op due to a jelly lump on his wrist as well as Ms P's cynst that has recurred since the last op in 2008. Oh not forgetting to mention is Tat's grandpa was also admitted and was quite serious at one point due to kidney dsyfunctional. And my grandma nearly had to go to the hospital after a call from the ployclinic saying she is lack of potassium. Lucky is was a mistake afterall.                                         As you can see, apart from my hectic, busy work that is continuing to grow, my other 'past time' is visiting the hospitals. I only hope that things get better and I can plan my wedding happily. In case you wonder why this entry has no paragraphs, im using my phone to blog... Good night and rest well to overcome the battle waiting ahead.

Meaningless entry

I dont know why i logged in here. I think im just bored and so decide to think of something to write to entertain myself.

Today is the last day of CNY 2010 and i bet many people will be having family gatherings. For me, i have not seen my family for a long time. Whenever i get home, they are asleep and when i go to work, they are still sleeping. Im glad i will be seeing them later for LOU HEI dinner at Soup Restaurant - JP.

Today is a terribly hot day. Although it seems it's going to rain soon but i still feel sticky and grumpy. Weekend is ending soon and it's so sad. From March, im gonna have lesser weekends due to work (OMG)! Let's hope things works out smoothly so i can clear my OIL on weekdays and spend some time with my mum.

Oh i think i really cant write anymore. Brain juice evaporated during my earlier nap.

Have a good "Yuan Xiao Festival" today. May we all have a RoaRing year ahead of us. HUAT ah!

A New Year

It's already February 2010!!!

That's how long i have not log in for an entry... Well, it's a New Year and today is even everyone's Bday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOYS AND GIRLS!

It has been quite a smooth start for 2010. Went Bangkok in Jan, got extra income in Feb (due to CNY), i wonder what's next in line for March, April (My birthday??) and the any more months to come :)

At work, things are improving and i see brighter light now. This is not the best but i think im happier, i think so!

I have many dreams and wishes for the new year (as usual - but dunno how many of them get fulfilled by 31 Dec); namely

1. Increment in pay $$$ :)
2. Lose weight
3. Get married
4. Strike it Rich
5. Be Happy :D

Let's see how many of these 5 gets a tick beside them by the end of the year...

Till then, enjoy yourself and wish me luck. Im going back to hybernation for the weekend!

If...

If there was a chance, I would like to be a Man. I wont need to go through PMS, having to go through so much trouble before stepping out of the house, expected to be able to cook, tidy the house and look after the kids.

Even if i were fat, i can still get a girlfriend.

Even if i cant cook, I have someone to cook for me.

Even if i dont put on make up, i can still go out to have fun.

I can even choose to stay out late, stay over at my Gf's place or not send her home when i dont feel like doing so.

I do not worry about losing anything regardless the number of girlfriends i have. All i need to do is "play is safe" (Guys, dont you agree?)

Isnt it wonderful?

A man also sees things differently. He can neglect this and that, yet his girlfriend still stand by him. He is at fault and he can speak loudly to his girlfriend. He may care but he has the excuse of being non-expressive!

A man has all reasons to do whatever he wants to do. Yet a woman is exactly the opposite.

If only i was born one too... ... (but i dont have the intention to turn lesbian)

A disappointing F1 Rocks, 24 September 2009

It was supposed to a historical moment for Singapore, for the celebrities involved, for the drivers (or should i say racers) and also for those who attended the F1 race/concert. It was Singapore's First Concert for the F1 - F1 ROCKS! Yet, most of us left with disappointment...

I attended the first performance on 24th September 2009. I left home with high level of enthusiasm and passion. One of the main reason was also because I could get to see my idol, Jacky Cheung perform again.

We arrived at Fort Canning Park about 6pm. Without proper signages (First disappointment), we found ourselves together with a whole batch of people standing at the wrong stage.

"The main stage is below", we were told by one of the ushers.

After much climbing and walking, we finally found the main stage and settled ourselves in nice front seats (seated on the grass patch). The concert didnt start till 7plus (second disappointment).


The first group to perform was "Da Mouth". I was very impressed with Ai-sha's performance - 'WONDER-FULL' Body and I am certain she made many men Drool and Bleed that night.

Second on the list was "SodaGreen". When I heard them (or rather just Wu Qing Feng) sing during their sound check, I was captivated by his voice. He has a very unique voice - very impressive! The setback encountered during their performance was a sudden power cut during a fast track (Third disappointment). I read from Cruz's blog that the management even stopped the Emcees from going on stage to pacify the audience...


Oh, talking about the emcees, despite the many disappointments (which i have yet to finish ranting), the consolation to the concert was having Cruz and JiaHui host the event. Nice!

Along came A-mei which was the greatest disappointment of all. Her microphone wasnt working well when she sang her first song (Fourth disappointment). Subsequently, the songs chosen for the concert were too new. It makes the performance more like an album promotion instead of F1 ROCKS (Fifth disappointment). I was actually eager to hear her because I have not heard her live but I must say the performance was a let down.


The sixth disappointment is the most unforgivable one; We waited for a long long time before Jacky finally came on stage. In fact, we had to wait for some time after each performance. This last one made us wait aimlessly for almost 40mins before they eventually set up the band and lightings for Jacky. During this long interim, the management did not bother to send the hosts out to entertain the crowd (Seventh disappointment). We stood there like FOOLs, feeling warm and frustrated yet we had to be patient as it was our idol who will be appearing NEXT. From Cruz's blog, Jacky was unhappy with the delay too!

Fortunately, Jacky delivered a stunting performance with his sexy moves and of course his voice. I Like! I Love!



My last notes: I hope the management of the concert can do a thorough review so that F1 Rocks 2010 will have Less/No (if possible) hiccups. Im sure they would have received lots of feedback forms about the disappointments (the tickets didnt come cheap and it is only fair that the audience deserve a satisfactory reply).

Casting the unhappy issues aside, enjoy the video below:

Days of Unemployment

Days of unemployment, this is the 27th day...

I have been spending my time at home cooking, watching HongKong Dramas, job hunting and also thinking of what i want in my life.

However, no matter how hard I think, I feel that I cant achieve the 'ideal' kind of life that I always yearned for. I dont know if it's too perfect for achievement or am I just too lazy. Or am I afraid to face the reality because there needs to be major changes in my current life? I have no answers to these terrifying thoughts.

Every night when I go to bed, I imagine that I would not wake up the next morning. I think I would suffer from some heart attack or some disease and just 'Go' like that. I fear, because there are so many things in life that i have not experienced. I feel like talking to people but everytime I meet people, I dont feel like talking.

I am now watching a drama on psychology and I wonder if I am actually suffering from some mental illness that I am not aware of.

Actually, there are lots of things that I can do during this period of time but I dont know where to start, too lazy to start and feeling hopeless to start. I hide myself at home apart from going for interviews, spend my day like an aimless person dying for my phone to ring (f0r a job opportunity).

I seem to have lost myself. I feel I am not who I used to be. Over the years, I am losing my confidence and all I gain is unwanted Fats in my body!

I need a new life, I need a new begining, I need to step out of this horrible situation that Im in now (all thanks to J!)

Freedom!

Finally the pain ended...

And now I spend my time at home searching for a new nest where I will have the opportunity to learn and grow. Life has never been so peaceful, not for the past year at least.

During this recuperation period, there are lots of things that I need to accomplish and here are some of them:

• Clean my room (again)
• Clear my bags
• File my statements
• Weekday shopping
• Colour my hair

For a start, I did my nails (fingers and toes). Had to choose a lighter shade in case I receive any calls (good news).

I also made my first attempt to perm my hair. Not exactly the first time because I did it once during my Bro's wedding but that was temporary.

The results were Fantastic and I love it. Received quite a number of "Thumbs Up" for it. All thanks to Anson from Actpoint and also his assistant for the great work. Not only were they professional, they were detailed in explaining every step. Because I was recommended by Tat, I was treated like a VIP.

Nice!

Here's the change at a glance:

Then just I thought I could enjoy the weekend shopping, catching a movie or have fun, Tat fell really ill. He slept from Fri night till Sun morning. He had viral fever and his temperature went as high as 39.8 degree Celsius. I was telling him the whole time not to 'burn' his brain and end up forgetting me. I also made sure I had ice pack on his forehead the whole night so that his little brain is safe from 'fire'... hehe.

Thank God (and me) that he is feeling OK now. At least he tells me he is hungry! Hopefully the fever doesnt come back.

That's all for now. Hopefully I have good news to update in my next entry.

When Bomb meets AK 47

Imagine when a bomb meets AK 47 and a war is about to happen...who is likely to win?

No doubt the bomb creates greater damage compared to the AK 47, the bomb simply has no time to react due to the speed of the AK47 - magazines of bullets on standby and easily triggered!

For the Bomb:

1. Find a match/lighter
2. Light the string (dunno the proper term for it) attached
3. Time for the bomb to go off depends on the length of the string (LENGTH is crucial - Imagine how much time is wasted if the string is very long like in cartoons!!)
4. String burns to the tip
5. BOOM!!! ENEMY RIP!

For AK 47:

1. Woman picks up the weapon
2. Pulls the trigger
3. Hundreds of bullets are fired
4. ENEMY DIES! GAME OVER - Short and Sweet!

The above analogy is exactly what is happening to me. If you have read the previous entries, you would have guessed, I am the Poor Bomb who has no time to react. Every time i want to react at step 2 (see above for bomb), I was shot dead in split seconds (AK 47 is already at step 3 & 4)!!

I need to find ways to upgrade my weapons and ammunition but I dont know how. Either do i know how many more lives i have to escape from the everlasting bullets?

Anyone any ideas?

Job Satisfaction

If you find job satisfaction in your job, i am really envious of you and i congratulate you. I have NONE, totally Zero Job Satisfaction in what i do.

Reasons:

• My ideas are often or almost always tweaked till they no longer belong to me
• Im put down for things
• Execution for my project is delayed for x reasons yet the culprit pushes the blame to me (instead of herself)
• I have to do something that is OBVIOUSLY someone's job - i meant everyone has their own task and somethings clearly belong to the another person
• Im insulted when it's a clear MISINTERPRETION from that person herself

I seriously dont see any reason in staying on... It's meaningless...

Everyday i just feel depressed, upset and eagerly looking forward to WEEKENDS. I lost myself, my drive and motivation to work. I dont feel appreciated for contributing so much - the small things that make up the big picture are not seen. Everyone sees only the big things that Managment does and the small fries suffer like HELL!

Someone please send me an angel to save me from this plight!!! I dont want to go crazy at the age of 26... Help me...